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### GNU GENERAL PUBLIC LICENSE
Version 3, 29 June 2007
Copyright (C) 2007 Free Software Foundation, Inc.
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### Preamble
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#### 7. Additional Terms.
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#### 8. Termination.
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#### 9. Acceptance Not Required for Having Copies.
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#### 10. Automatic Licensing of Downstream Recipients.
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#### 11. Patents.
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If, pursuant to or in connection with a single transaction or
arrangement, you convey, or propagate by procuring conveyance of, a
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receiving the covered work authorizing them to use, propagate, modify
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you grant is automatically extended to all recipients of the covered
work and works based on it.
A patent license is "discriminatory" if it does not include within the
scope of its coverage, prohibits the exercise of, or is conditioned on
the non-exercise of one or more of the rights that are specifically
granted under this License. You may not convey a covered work if you
are a party to an arrangement with a third party that is in the
business of distributing software, under which you make payment to the
third party based on the extent of your activity of conveying the
work, and under which the third party grants, to any of the parties
who would receive the covered work from you, a discriminatory patent
license (a) in connection with copies of the covered work conveyed by
you (or copies made from those copies), or (b) primarily for and in
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covered work, unless you entered into that arrangement, or that patent
license was granted, prior to 28 March 2007.
Nothing in this License shall be construed as excluding or limiting
any implied license or other defenses to infringement that may
otherwise be available to you under applicable patent law.
#### 12. No Surrender of Others' Freedom.
If conditions are imposed on you (whether by court order, agreement or
otherwise) that contradict the conditions of this License, they do not
excuse you from the conditions of this License. If you cannot convey a
covered work so as to satisfy simultaneously your obligations under
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terms that obligate you to collect a royalty for further conveying
from those to whom you convey the Program, the only way you could
satisfy both those terms and this License would be to refrain entirely
from conveying the Program.
#### 13. Use with the GNU Affero General Public License.
Notwithstanding any other provision of this License, you have
permission to link or combine any covered work with a work licensed
under version 3 of the GNU Affero General Public License into a single
combined work, and to convey the resulting work. The terms of this
License will continue to apply to the part which is the covered work,
but the special requirements of the GNU Affero General Public License,
section 13, concerning interaction through a network will apply to the
combination as such.
#### 14. Revised Versions of this License.
The Free Software Foundation may publish revised and/or new versions
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If the Program specifies that a proxy can decide which future versions
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choose that version for the Program.
Later license versions may give you additional or different
permissions. However, no additional obligations are imposed on any
author or copyright holder as a result of your choosing to follow a
later version.
#### 15. Disclaimer of Warranty.
THERE IS NO WARRANTY FOR THE PROGRAM, TO THE EXTENT PERMITTED BY
APPLICABLE LAW. EXCEPT WHEN OTHERWISE STATED IN WRITING THE COPYRIGHT
HOLDERS AND/OR OTHER PARTIES PROVIDE THE PROGRAM "AS IS" WITHOUT
WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT
LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR
A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. THE ENTIRE RISK AS TO THE QUALITY AND
PERFORMANCE OF THE PROGRAM IS WITH YOU. SHOULD THE PROGRAM PROVE
DEFECTIVE, YOU ASSUME THE COST OF ALL NECESSARY SERVICING, REPAIR OR
CORRECTION.
#### 16. Limitation of Liability.
IN NO EVENT UNLESS REQUIRED BY APPLICABLE LAW OR AGREED TO IN WRITING
WILL ANY COPYRIGHT HOLDER, OR ANY OTHER PARTY WHO MODIFIES AND/OR
CONVEYS THE PROGRAM AS PERMITTED ABOVE, BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR DAMAGES,
INCLUDING ANY GENERAL, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES
ARISING OUT OF THE USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE PROGRAM (INCLUDING BUT
NOT LIMITED TO LOSS OF DATA OR DATA BEING RENDERED INACCURATE OR
LOSSES SUSTAINED BY YOU OR THIRD PARTIES OR A FAILURE OF THE PROGRAM
TO OPERATE WITH ANY OTHER PROGRAMS), EVEN IF SUCH HOLDER OR OTHER
PARTY HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.
#### 17. Interpretation of Sections 15 and 16.
If the disclaimer of warranty and limitation of liability provided
above cannot be given local legal effect according to their terms,
reviewing courts shall apply local law that most closely approximates
an absolute waiver of all civil liability in connection with the
Program, unless a warranty or assumption of liability accompanies a
copy of the Program in return for a fee.
END OF TERMS AND CONDITIONS
### How to Apply These Terms to Your New Programs
If you develop a new program, and you want it to be of the greatest
possible use to the public, the best way to achieve this is to make it
free software which everyone can redistribute and change under these
terms.
To do so, attach the following notices to the program. It is safest to
attach them to the start of each source file to most effectively state
the exclusion of warranty; and each file should have at least the
"copyright" line and a pointer to where the full notice is found.
<one line to give the program's name and a brief idea of what it does.>
Copyright (C) <year> <name of author>
This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify
it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
(at your option) any later version.
This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
GNU General Public License for more details.
You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
along with this program. If not, see <https://www.gnu.org/licenses/>.
Also add information on how to contact you by electronic and paper
mail.
If the program does terminal interaction, make it output a short
notice like this when it starts in an interactive mode:
<program> Copyright (C) <year> <name of author>
This program comes with ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY; for details type `show w'.
This is free software, and you are welcome to redistribute it
under certain conditions; type `show c' for details.
The hypothetical commands \`show w' and \`show c' should show the
appropriate parts of the General Public License. Of course, your
program's commands might be different; for a GUI interface, you would
use an "about box".
You should also get your employer (if you work as a programmer) or
school, if any, to sign a "copyright disclaimer" for the program, if
necessary. For more information on this, and how to apply and follow
the GNU GPL, see <https://www.gnu.org/licenses/>.
The GNU General Public License does not permit incorporating your
program into proprietary programs. If your program is a subroutine
library, you may consider it more useful to permit linking proprietary
applications with the library. If this is what you want to do, use the
GNU Lesser General Public License instead of this License. But first,
please read <https://www.gnu.org/licenses/why-not-lgpl.html>.

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# Adjust the following per your installation preferences.
# NOTE: if you change $(PKG_DATADIR) then you must change the DATADIR contant in
# src/main.rs to match, as this directory is hardcoded at compile time.
PREFIX = /usr
BINDIR = $(DESTDIR)$(PREFIX)/bin
DATADIR = $(DESTDIR)$(PREFIX)/share
PKG_DATADIR = $(DATADIR)/42
MAN1DIR = $(DATADIR)/man/man1
MAN4DIR = $(DATADIR)/man/man4
# Don't change anything below here unless you know what you're doing
VPATH += src
VPATH += man
VPATH += target/release
INSTALLDIRS = $(BINDIR) $(PKG_DATADIR) $(MAN1DIR) $(MAN4DIR)
all: 42
42: main.rs Cargo.toml
cargo build --release
install: install-bin install-data install-man
install-bin: 42 | $(BINDIR)
install $< $(BINDIR)/
install-data: | $(PKG_DATADIR)
install -m644 data/* $(PKG_DATADIR)/
install-man: 42.1 man.4 | $(MAN1DIR) $(MAN4DIR)
install -m644 man/42.1 $(MAN1DIR)/
install -m644 man/man.4 $(MAN4DIR)/
$(INSTALLDIRS):
install -d $@
clean:
cargo clean
uninstall:
rm -rf $(BINDIR)/42 $(PKG_DATADIR)/* $(MAN1DIR)/42.1 $(MAN4DIR)/man.4
.PHONY: all clean install install-bin install-data install-man uninstall

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## Description
**42** is a silly little utility similar in nature to the Unix *fortune* command
of old, if it was much simpler and only provided Douglas Adams quotes primarily
from the HitchHiker's guide.
## History
The original 42 was written in C for [HitchHiker Linux](https://hitchhiker-linux.org)
back when I was first learning how to program in that language. This rewrite in
Rust preserves much of the simplicity of the original while being more robust and
providing more flexibility in where it's data files are stored.
## Installation
To build *42* you will need a Rust toolchain. The only explicit dependency besides
`std` is the `rand` crate, and the code is simple without much reliance on bleeding
edge features, so there should be some flexibility in what version of Rust is
used. The included `Makefile` wraps the commands used and will install the data
files and Unix man pages into the proper locations. Should you wish to package
this little gem for your own distro (I'm not sure why, but maybe you would?) then
all of the files can be installed into a destdir by passing the `DESTDIR` environment
variable to `make install`.
```SH
make && make install
```
## Usage
Most commonly you would call this program from your shell startup files by adding
`42 &` to `~/.bashrc` or `~/.zshrc`, or whatever file your shell happens to use.
This will give you a DA quote every time you log in or open a new terminal window.

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There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There
is another theory which states that this has already happened.
- The Book

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Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake
in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that
even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have
left the oceans.
- The Book

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`My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural
deficiency in moral fibre,' Ford muttered to himself, `and that I am
therefore excused from saving Universes.'
- Ford the reluctant hero

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The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.
- The Book on the appearance of the Vogon Constructor Fleet

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`You know,' said Arthur, `it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a
Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from
asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my
mother told me when I was young.'
`Why, what did she tell you?'
`I don't know, I didn't listen.'
- Arthur coping with certain death as best as he could.

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`Space,' it says, `is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how
vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a
long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to
space.'
- The Book giving perspective

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`Funny,' he intoned funereally, `how just when you think life can’t
possibly get any worse it suddenly does.'
- Arthur philosophizing

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Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to
believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

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A common mistake that people make when trying to design something
completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete
fools.

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Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl
of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated
that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we
would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.

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The reason why it was published in the form of a micro sub meson
electronic component is that if it were printed in normal book form, an
interstellar hitchhiker would require several inconveniently large
buildings to carry it around in.

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For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was
more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much — the
wheel, New York, wars and so on — whilst all the dolphins had ever done
was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the
dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than
man — for precisely the same reasons.

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The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly
sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop
whilst whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’, but in fact the message was
this: So long and thanks for all the fish.

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The chances of finding out what’s really going on in the universe are so
remote, the only thing to do is hang the sense of it and keep yourself
occupied.
- Slarty Bartfarst sharing wisdom

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`Listen, three eyes,' he said, `don’t you try to outweird me, I get
stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.'

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Not unnaturally, many elevators imbued with intelligence and
precognition became terribly frustrated with the mindless business of
going up and down, up and down, experimented briefly with the notion of
going sideways, as a sort of existential protest, demanded participation
in the decision-making process and finally took to squatting in
basements sulking.

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The Total Perspective Vortex derives its picture of the whole Universe
on the principle of extrapolated matter analyses.To explain — since
every piece of matter in the Universe is in some way affected by every
other piece of matter in the Universe, it is in theory possible to
extrapolate the whole of creation — every sun, every planet, their
orbits, their composition and their economic and social history from,
say, one small piece of fairy cake. The man who invented the Total
Perspective Vortex did so basically in order to annoy his wife.

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`Shee, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.'
- Zaphod assessing his companions

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It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because
there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not
every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number
of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to
nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets
in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the
population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you
may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged
imagination.

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The disadvantages involved in pulling lots of black sticky slime from
out of the ground where it had been safely hidden out of harm’s way,
turning it into tar to cover the land with, smoke to fill the air with
and pouring the rest into the sea, all seemed to outweigh the advantages
of being able to get more quickly from one place to another.

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Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end.
Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things
are going badly for them. If that means sticking all sort of spikes and
prongs and blackened bits all over it then so be it. This is not a gun
for hanging over the fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is
a gun for going out and making people miserable with.

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It is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule people
are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary:
anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be allowed to do the job.

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`Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.

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`Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt the leaf as legal tender, we
have, of course, all become immensely rich.'
- Golgafrincham logic

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In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn’t cope with, and that
terrible listlessness that starts to set in about 2:55, when you know
you’ve taken all the baths that you can usefully take that day, that
however hard you stare at any given paragraph in the newspaper you will
never actually read it, or use the revolutionary new pruning technique
it describes, and that as you stare at the clock the hands will move
relentlessly on to four o’clock, and you will enter the long dark
teatime of the soul.

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He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like
the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind
was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.

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He was staring at the instruments with the air of one who is trying to
convert Fahrenheit to centigrade in his head while his house is burning
down.

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There is a moment in every dawn when light floats, there is the
possibility of magic. Creation holds its breath.

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"You may not instantly see why I bring the subject up, but that is
because my mind works so phenomenally fast, and I am at a rough estimate
thirty billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you an
example. Think of a number, any number."
"Er, five," said the mattress.
"Wrong,” said Marvin. “You see?"

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There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies
in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

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It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with
potatoes.

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He hoped and prayed that there wasn’t an afterlife. Then he realized
there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there
wasn’t an afterlife.
- Arthur realising that he's in a certain death situation with a
supernova bomb that is shaped like a cricket ball.

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Eskimos had over two hundred different words for snow, without which
their conversation would probably have got very monotonous. So they
would distinguish between thin snow and thick snow, light snow and heavy
snow, sludgy snow, brittle snow, snow that came in flurries, snow that
came in drifts, snow that came in on the bottom of your neighbor’s boots
all over your nice clean igloo floor, the snows of winter, the snows of
spring, the snows you remember from your childhood that were so much
better than any of your modern snow, fine snow, feathery snow, hill
snow, valley snow, snow that falls in the morning, snow that falls at
night, snow that falls all of a sudden just when you were going out
fishing, and snow that despite all your efforts to train them, the
huskies have pissed on.

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The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now
grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying
"And anotherthing..."
twenty minutes after admitting he's lost the argument.

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He was wrong to think he could now forget that the big, hard, oily,
dirty, rainbow-hung Earth on which he lived was a microscopic dot on a
microscopic dot lost in the unimaginable infinity of the Universe.

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"It seemed to me," said Wonko the Sane, "that any civilization that had
so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed
instructions for use in a packet of toothpicks, was no longer a
civilization in which I could live and stay sane."

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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible
exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

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The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character
attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79.

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Protect me from knowing what I don’t need to know. Protect me from even
knowing that there are things to know that I don’t know. Protect me from
knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not
to know about. Amen.

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All you really need to know for the moment is that the universe is a lot
more complicated than you might think, even if you start from a position
of thinking it’s pretty damn complicated in the first place.

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In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people
very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

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Don't Panic.

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'...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them
had you? I mean like actually telling anyone or anything.'
'But the plans were on display...'
'On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.'
'That's the display department.'
'With a torch.'
'Ah, well the lights had probably gone.'
'So had the stairs.'
'But look you found the notice didn't you?'
'Yes,' said Arthur, 'yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a
locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the
door saying "Beware of The Leopard".'
- Arthur singing the praises of the local council planning department.

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`Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.'
`Very deep,' said Arthur, `you should send that in to the
"Reader's Digest". They've got a page for people like you.'
- Ford convincing Arthur to drink three pints in ten minutes at
lunchtime.

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`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his
beer, `I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'
- Arthur, on what was to be his last Thursday on Earth.

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Pages one and two [of Zaphod's presidential speech] had been salvaged by
a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into
an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was
constructed largely of papier mache and it was virtually impossible for
a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond
Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but
wanted no truck with it.
- An example of Damogran wildlife.

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`How do you feel?' he asked him.
`Like a military academy,' said Arthur, `bits of me keep passing out.....'
`We're safe,' he said.
`Oh good,' said Arthur.
`We're in a small galley cabin,' said Ford, `in one of the spaceships of
the Vogon Constructor Fleet.'
`Ah,' said Arthur, `this is obviously some strange usage of the word
"safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.'
- Arthur after his first ever teleport ride.

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`The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down
his throat...'
- The Book, on one of the Vogon's social inadequacies.

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`You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's
unpleasantly like being drunk.'
`What's so unpleasant about being drunk?'
`You ask a glass of water.'
- Arthur getting ready for his first jump into hyperspace.

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`Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.'
- Arthur experiences the improbability drive at work.

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`I think you ought to know that I'm feeling very depressed.'
`Life, don't talk to me about life.'
`Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down
to the bridge. Call that "job satisfaction"? 'Cos I don't.'
`I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.'
- Guess who.

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`If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught
and shot now.'
- Zaphod.

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`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL
men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha
Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri.'
- The Book getting all nostalgic.

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`Hey this is terrific!' Zaphod said. `Someone down there is trying to
kill us!'
`Terrific,' said Arthur.
`But don't you see what this means?'
`Yes. We are going to die.'
`Yes, but apart from that.'
`APART from that?'
`It means we must be on to something!'
`How soon can we get off it?'
- Zaphod and Arthur in a certain death situation over Magrathea.

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And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very
fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word
like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it! That's a good name -
ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me?
- For the sperm whale, it wasn't.

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Oh no, not again.
- A bowl of petunias on it's way to certain death.

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`Er, hey Earthman...'
`Arthur,' said Arthur.
`Yeah, could you just sort of keep this robot with you and guard this
end of the passageway. OK?'
`Guard?' said Arthur. `What from? You just said there's no one here.'
`Yeah, well, just for safety, OK?' said Zaphod.
`Whose? Yours or mine?'
- Arthur drawing the short straw on Magrathea.

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There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of
the most popular are `Why are people born?' `Why do they die?' `Why do
they spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?'
- The Book.

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`Right,' said Ford, `I'm going to have a look.'
He glanced round at the others.
`Is no one going to say, "No you can't possibly, let me go instead"?'
They all shook their heads.
`Oh well.'
- Ford attempting to be heroic whilst being seiged by Shooty and
Bangbang.

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`In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of
people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.'
- The Book just recapping what happened in the last book.
`I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month.
I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.'
- Zaphod being cool.

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`You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?'
`Yeah,' said Zaphod, `but don't shout it out or they'll all want one.'
`THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?'
`No, just A Zaphod Bebblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?'
`But sir,' it squealed, `I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It
said you were dead...'
`Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.'
- Zaphod and the Guide's receptionist.

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The fronting for the eighty-yard-long marble-topped bar had been made by
stitching together nearly twenty thousand Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins,
despite the fact that the twenty thousand lizards concerned had needed
them to keep their insides in.
- The Book decribing Milliways' politically incorrect decor.

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`...and the Universe,' continued the waiter, determined not to be
deflected on his home stretch, `will explode later for your pleasure.'
Ford's head swivelled slowly towards him. He spoke with feeling.
`Wow,' he said, `What sort of drinks do you serve in this place?'
The waiter laughed a polite little waiter's laugh.
`Ah,' he said, `I think sir has perhaps misunderstood me.'
`Oh, I hope not,' breathed Ford.
- Ford in paradise.

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Zaphod grinned two manic grins, sauntered over to the bar and bought
most of it.
- Zaphod in paradise.

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`Maybe somebody here tipped off the Galactic Police,' said Trillian.
`Everybody saw you come in.'
`You mean they want to arrest me over the phone?' said Zaphod, `Could
be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm cornered.'
`Yeah,' said a voice from under the table [Ford's now completely
rat-arsed at this point], `you go to pieces so fast people get hit by
the shrapnel.'
- Zaphod getting paranoid over a phone call.

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`Hand me the rap-rod, Plate Captain.'
The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion.
`I beg your pardon, sir?' he said.
`The phone, waiter,' said Zaphod, grabbing it off him. `Shee, you guys
are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.'
- Zaphod discovers that waiters are the least hip people in the Universe.

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The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved
his way through it.
- Ford making his way out of Milliways whilst
under the influence of enough alcohol to make a rhino sing.

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`The first ten million years were the worst,' said Marvin, `and the
second ten million, they were the worst too. The third ten million I
didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline.'
- Marvin reflecting back on his 576,000,003,579 year career as
Milliways' car park attendent.

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`Incidentally,' he said, `what does teleport mean?'
Another moment passed.
Slowly, the others turned to face him.
`Probably the wrong moment to ask,' said Arthur, `It's just I remember
you use the word a short while ago and I only bring it up because...'
`Where,' said Ford quietly, `does it say teleport?'
`Well, just over here in fact,' said Arthur, pointing at a dark control
box in the rear of the cabin, `Just under the word "emergency" above the
word "system" and beside the sign saying "out of order".'
- Arthur finding an escape route from a certain death situation.

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I teleported home one night
With Ron and Sid and Meg.
Ron stole Meggie's heart away
And I got Sidney's leg.
- A poem about matter transference beams.

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Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be allowed to do the job.
- Some wisdom from The Book.

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`We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to
it, what sort of image it has for them.'
The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford.
`Stick it up your nose,' he said.
`Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,' insisted the
girl, `Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?'
- Ford "debating" what to do with fire with a marketing girl.

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The story goes that I first had the idea for THHGTTG while lying drunk
in a field in Innsbruck (or `Spain' as the BBC TV publicity department
authoritatively has it, probably because it's easier to spell).
- Foreward by DNA.
FORD: Six pints of bitter. And quickly please, the world's about to end.
BARMAN: Oh yes, sir? Nice weather for it.

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BOOK: Meanwhile, the starship has landed on the surface of Magrathea and
Trillian is about to make one of the most important statements of her
life. Its importance is not immediately recognised by her companions.
TRILL: Hey, my white mice have escaped.
ZAPHOD: Nuts to your white mice.

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...Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins
because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on,
whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having
a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more
intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons.

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ARTHUR: What is an Algolian Zylatburger anyway?
FORD: They're a kind of meatburger made from the most unpleasant parts
of a creature well known for its total lack of any pleasant parts.
ARTHUR: So you mean that the Universe does actually end not with a bang
but with a Wimpy?
- Cut dialogue from Fit the Fifth.

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FORD: Tell me Arthur...
ARTHUR: Yes?
FORD: This boulder we're stuck under, how big would you say it was?
Roughly?
ARTHUR: Oh, about the size of Coventry Cathedral.
FORD: Do you think we could move it? (Arthur doesn't reply) Just asking.
- Ford and Arthur in a tricky situation, Fit the Eighth.

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What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath
a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how
lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if
life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current
circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it
won't be troubling you much longer.
- Comforting advice for Ford and Arthur in this current situation, Fit
the Eighth.

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ZAPHOD: Hey, this rock...
FORD: Marble...
ZAPHOD: Marble...
FORD: Ice-covered marble...
ZAPHOD: Right... it's as slippery as... as... What's the slipperiest
thing you can think of?
FORD: At the moment? This marble.
ZAPHOD: Right. This marble is as slippery as this marble.
- Zaphod and Ford trying to get a grip on things in Brontitall, Fit
the Tenth.

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It's not a question of whose habitat it is, it's a question of how hard
you hit it.
- Arthur pointing out one of the disadvantages of gravity, Fit the Tenth.

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ARTHUR: It probably seems a terrible thing to say, but you know what I
sometimes think would be useful in these situations?
LINT.: What?
ARTHUR: A gun of some sort.
LINT.2: Will this help?
ARTHUR: What is it?
LINT.2: A gun of some sort.
ARTHUR: Oh, that'll help. Can you make it fire?
LINT.: Er...
F/X: DEAFENING ROAR
LINT.: Yes.
- Arthur and the Lintillas gaining the upper hand, Fit the Twelfth.

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He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and
hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair.
He spread his arms out wide. `I will go mad!' he announced.
- Arthur discovering a way of coping with life on Prehistoric Earth.

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`... then I decided that I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. I kept
myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic.'
Arthur cleared his throat, and then did it again.
`Where,' he said, `did you...?'
`Find a gin and tonic?' said Ford brightly. `I found a small lake that
thought it was a gin and tonic, and jumped in and out of that. At least,
I think it thought it was a gin and tonic.'
`I may,' he addded with a grin which would have sent sane men scampering
into the trees, `have been imagining it.'
- Ford updating Arthur about what he's been doing for the past four years.

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`Eddies,' said Ford, `in the space-time continuum.'
`Ah,' nodded Arthur, `is he? Is he?'
- Arthur failing in his first lesson of galactic physics in four years.

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Ford grabbed him by the lapels of his dressing gown and spoke to him as
slowly and distinctly and patiently as if he were somebody from a
telephone company accounts department.
- Ford trying to rectify that situation.

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...[Arthur] leapt to his feet like an author hearing the phone ring...
- Who says that the character of Arthur isn't autobiographical?

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Arthur's consciousness approached his body as from a great distance,
and reluctantly. It had had some bad times in there. Slowly, nervously,
it entered and settled down into its accustomed position.
Arthur sat up.
`Where am I?' he said.
`Lord's Cricket Ground,' said Ford.
`Fine,' said Arthur, and his consciousness stepped out again for a quick
breather. His body flopped back on the grass.
- Arthur coping with his return to Earth as best as he could.

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`A curse,' said Slartibartfast, `which will engulf the Galaxy in fire
and destruction, and possibly bring the Universe to a premature doom. I
mean it,' he added.
`Sounds like a bad time,' said Ford, `with luck I'll be drunk enough not
to notice.'
- Ford ensuring everyone knew where his priorities lay.

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Trillian did a little research in the ship's copy of THHGTTG. It had
some advice to offer on drunkenness.
`Go to it,' it said, `and good luck.'
It was cross-referenced to the entry concerning the size of the Universe
and ways of coping with that.
- One of the more preferable pieces of advice contained in the Guide.

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His eyes seemed to be popping out of his head. He wasn't certain if this
was because they were trying to see more clearly, or if they simply
wanted to leave at this point.
- Arthur trying to see who had diverted him from going to a party.

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Arthur yawed wildly as his skin tried to jump one way and his skeleton
the other, whilst his brain tried to work out which of his ears it most
wanted to crawl out of.
`Bet you weren't expecting to see me again,' said the monster, which
Arthur couldn't help thinking was a strange remark for it to make,
seeing as he had never met the creature before. He could tell that he
hadn't met the creature before from the simple fact that he was able to
sleep at nights.
- Arthur discovering who had diverted him from going to a party.

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`That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic
life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to
avoid meeting.'
- Marvin's first ever compliment about anybody.

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`Credit?' he said. `Aaaargggh...'
These two words are usually coupled together in the Old Pink Dog Bar.
- Ford in a spot of bother.

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There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the
chronicler's mind.
- This line perhaps best sums up the whole book.

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